My baby passed me on the road today. I was coming home from work and she was going to work. This has happened a few times now, but today I lost my breath for a second. It hit me like a punch to the gut that my kids are all grown up and don’t really need me in the same way they used to. Dana is my last baby to drive. In my mind and my heart she is still my tiny little girl so I thought I had more time. But I don’t. She’s looking at colleges and planning her future and I’m stunned and just sad. This girl who wouldn’t go to pre-school because she couldn’t leave me without a shopping buddy. This girl who needed me to sit inside the dance studio with her while she danced so she could see me. This girl doesn’t really need me anymore.

Ok, so I know that’s not entirely true, but that’s what it feels like right now. A small part of me is thinking–hey I don’t have to drive her or pick her up anymore. That’s pretty cool. Then I think–hey, I don’t have to drive her or pick her up anymore. Damn. I know this is an exciting time for my kids. Law School, College, driving….. I am so proud and excited for their futures but at the same time, I’m devastated. What is my purpose now? I would give anything to go back in time. I want a do-over. It’s not that I would do things differently necessarily. I just want to do it again, and savor every single second. Time moved way too fast. It snuck up on me and smacked me on the back of the head and left me reeling. I’m not ok with this. At all….

My friends whose kids are still little… relish every second. I mean it. You hear it all the time, but you never really listen. I didn’t. I’m telling you now, with my heart hurting a little more each day, listen to me. You will blink and they will be adults. Then you too will wish for a do-over…

Candidly and a little bit melancholy,

Donna