Anybody else wondering what the hell comes next? I am. Every single day. What will happen next? 2020 has been a clusterf&$k of crazy, scary, confusing and sad stuff so far. Is there a way to start it over? Or maybe to fast forward to the end of it and move on to the next year?

I saw a meme on Facebook the other day that pretty much sums up my feelings lately. It said something like: some days I’m all “I’m getting on with my life. Nobody can stop me!” And other days it’s “I’m never leaving my house again.”

I’ve been working from home since mid March – super thankful to still have a job and a paycheck. Not sure when we will be starting our return to work at 50%, but I think it will be soon. Things will be totally different for a while. Very unsettling to say the least.

Dana’s graduation was put off until July 24th with plans to be outside with some restrictions. Will it actually happen? I think so. Unless something changes and they have to cancel. Prom? Doubtful. I look at her dress hanging in the foyer every day and it makes me sad. A stupid prom dress makes me sad. It’s beautiful and she would have looked incredible and I’m thinking she would have had an amazing night. Sad.

Will Mike be on campus in the fall? Plans right now indicate yes, with tons of restrictions and plans for a quick switch to fully remote if necessary. Does it make me nervous to send him back to the Bronx? Hell yes. My anxiety will be high. Mount Everest high. I almost wish they would tell everyone to stay home for the fall and everything is online. But that’s today. Tomorrow I might be all “we can’t live in fear. He’s an adult now and will do what he has to do to stay safe.”

Will Dana be starting her freshman year on campus? Again, plans right now say yes. Again with a ton of restrictions. As of now we can not help her move in. We are to drop her off at her dorm with all her stuff and say good-bye there. Can’t see where she will be living. Can’t help her set everything up and make sure she is good to go. Is she capable of doing it by herself (I’m guessing there will be upperclassmen to help)? Of course she is capable. She is ready to go. I want her to go. Today. Tomorrow will most likely be a different story. I don’t think she can come home until Thanksgiving or that we can visit. My mama heart hurts.

My feelings are as fluid as the situation we are all in.  Things change every day. What phase are we in now? How many phases will there be by the time we are good? Will there be a vaccine soon? Will anyone take it? Will there be a second wave? Will it be bad? Will it all disappear some day soon? I’ve been avoiding the news because quite frankly, I don’t trust anything they say at this point. I don’t know who or what to believe now. Too much conflicting information. Too much bashing and blaming. Tired of it. Disgusted by it.

On the bright side–when I can see one–my nails are fabulous again and my hair will be less scary in a few days and my dogs will be groomed soon. So that’s good, right?

Trying to stay positive and hopeful,

Donna