The countdown is on…..less than two weeks before two of my kids leave for college. Junior and Freshman. I am used to Michael leaving, though I still don’t like it. It’s been so crazy between Covid and getting stuff ready for them that it hasn’t actually hit me. Dana just made me cry though. I asked her when her best friend is leaving and she said Tuesday. And that was all it took. I looked away and fought it but the truth is, everything is about to change for them. For all of these kids. My heart aches a little for all the feelings they must have right now: excitement, fear, nervousness, and sadness. I know it will hit my girl hard next week when she says goodbye to Alana. Damn, I will be a mess too just seeing her pain. I will miss that kid too. So much. Next, she’ll say goodbye to her boyfriend. Oh boy, not looking forward to that either. Ugh….

Finally, as much as I’d like to fight it, she will say goodbye to us. Not sure how that will go. She’ll say goodbye to her siblings at home because only two of us are allowed to be on campus with her. That will suck. I can only hope that I make it out of her line of vision before I lose it. It will be nearly impossible, I’m sure. If she cries, and I think it’s a safe bet that she will, it will definitely put me over the edge. My littlest baby. My sidekick since forever. My girl who couldn’t go to preschool because “but mommy, who will go shopping with you”….

The family dynamic will shift yet again, and while I know this is what is supposed to happen, it is painful and heart breaking and really hard. My purpose in life has changed and evolved over the years, for sure.  I don’t recognize this me. I don’t think I like her all that much. She’s kinda lost at the moment. Adrift, so to speak. Not sure of herself or what to do or what comes next….

Change is good, right? Not a big fan for the most part. Not sure how I am supposed to feel about it all. Right now I’m just sad. Of course, right up until move-in day, things could change and they could decide not to have anyone live on campus….not sure how I’d feel about that either right now….

To all my friends in the same boat right now, I feel you and I’m sending you hugs…

Until next time…

Donna