This simple five word sentence resonates with me in several ways. A dear friend once said it to me many years ago when I was confiding in her about something I was struggling with. I had never really heard the expression before, but it really hit me. I took it on as sort of my personal mantra from that moment on, even having the words tattooed on my arm some years back. My grandmother got a kick out of that.

I convinced myself that if I repeated it in my head whenever I was upset about a situation I had no control over, I would feel better. I think it worked for some situations, at least for a little while. Unfortunately, it does not work for all situations.

There are things in my life, as I’m sure there are in many people’s lives, that I wish were different. Situations that are nowhere close to what I had imagined they would be. Relationships that are not as strong as I thought they would be. Relationships that I had to walk away from because they became a danger to my sanity.

As the mother of a child with a chronic illness, the loss of control over that child’s health was, and is, unbearable. It is what it is? I did my best to keep him healthy since the day he was born and I failed, in my mind. That’s a hard pill to swallow, for sure. It is what it is, right? I had no control over it. I can repeat that over and over and over and it will never help me feel better about it. Never. That may not be rational, but there it is.

There are situations or relationships that I worked hard to keep close. For years. It became clear that what I wanted and what everyone else wanted was not the same, and that’s ok. It wasn’t meant to be and so I stopped trying because my energy was needed elsewhere. Really needed. It is what it is.

And finally, there is the one situation that I just couldn’t deal with any longer. I tried. I really did. I let things roll off my back for years. Usually for other people. I let them roll until I just couldn’t do it anymore. I made excuses for years until I thought about how many times I’d cried over things said and done. Years of wondering why and how it got to this point. Years of wondering how much responsibility I should accept in how things are. Years of missing what I should have had. And then, acceptance. It is what it is. I guess. Could I change things at this point? I honestly don’t know. The real question for me is would I even want to? I don’t know that either. With acceptance came a sort of peace. My grandmother and I had many conversations about it and she would always end them by throwing her arms out and saying “it is what it is” in a way that made it all ok for me. I think I will leave it at that…

Thank you for reading…

Until next time,

Donna