Tag: memories

The Empty Room

The Empty Room

by dmoss2 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

There is a moment that comes when you realize that one of the rooms in your home where your son used to be, will most likely be just a temporary pit-stop from here on out. That moment is a gut punch. Simply put, it is not ok.

It is inevitable and it is right. It’s what we work so hard for, what we want them to do – to fly, to soar – but, oh man, it kinda sucks. Big time.

Recently one of my girls said the unimaginable truth out loud – you do realize that he will probably never live here again, right? Yikes. That stung.

I covered my ears so I couldn’t hear more, but it hit the mark.

I know it’s true. In fact, we just moved him into his second apartment since he started med school and I think he will most likely be there for quite a while. He’s only a state away, which is great, but in all likelihood he will be making a life for himself there in the future. Or somewhere else – but obviously not here.

I am incredibly proud and excited for him, but, oh, that empty room.

That room brings me back in time, to little kid times. The little boy things that were all over that room. Some of the “kid” stuff is still in his closet, waiting for us to go through and see what he wants to keep and what to get rid of.

I keep thinking about doing it, but I haven’t yet. He’s been in an apartment for two years already, and I’m still stalling. My excuse…… he still comes home often so he needs his room, right? He was just home for a rare week off and my mama heart was beyond happy.

I will do it soon. I promise.

But oh man, that empty room…it does something to a mama’s heart…

The Children’s Place

The Children’s Place

by dmoss2 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Earlier today, I went to the local mall with my two daughters, aged 28 and 22. While waiting outside one of the stores for them, I found myself directly across from a store that was a huge part of their childhood: The Children’s Place. I just stood there staring for what seemed like forever, eyes tearing up…..

Yes, I know it is just a children’s clothing store, but to me it’s more than that. It’s what that store represents…..my littles, and how much I miss them.

I first started going to that store when my oldest was a baby. That’s 28 years ago. That girl had more clothes than anyone I know. You see, my mother in law and I would go shopping there together. When we found an outfit we liked and we couldn’t decide on what color to get, we would usually get all of them. If it came in four colors, she would pay for two and I would pay for two. And when I say outfit, I mean soup to nuts. Everything had to match: tops, bottoms, socks, headband….

When she started preschool, the teacher told me they couldn’t wait to see what she would be wearing each day she came to school because she was always so color coordinated. My husband would complain that he was paying rent to The Children’s Place each month, but then he’d always acknowledge how adorable she looked every day.

My son didn’t wear as much from that store. I liked the boy clothes better at Gap Kids for him. My youngest daughter – oh my goodness – the stuff I bought for her from there. So so cute. Once again, the rent was being paid each month, but boy did she look beautiful. Always.

Now, I’m not saying that I didn’t buy them clothing anywhere else. I certainly did. But for some reason, seeing those giant letters right in front of me today took my breath away. I was currently at the mall with my two best friends in the world (even though they might be a little mean to me sometimes, lol), and yet I was missing the beautiful babies and little girls they used to be. It was strange and a little sad.

One day, you are buying their little clothes and dressing them. Then you blink and they are buying their own clothes and “adulting” all over the place. Why did I blink? I shouldn’t have blinked. I wish I didn’t blink…..

The Backyard

The Backyard

by dmoss2 ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I took my dogs out one afternoon recently. While I walked around, waiting for them to do their stuff, I was struck by how different our backyard is now. We have been in this house for almost 24 years. Seems like such a long time and yet it feels like we moved in yesterday.

We bought our house when it was still just a frame. We had one child who was not even 2 when we moved in. The backyard was, well, icky. No grass, nothing. We moved in on November 4th so by the spring/summer, we had grass but not much else.

We made do with a kiddie pool for Nicole, and when we realized she liked to swing, well then we got a giant swing set complete with a clubhouse and everything. Then we discovered she loved the water so, poof!, we had a pool put in. Fences went up all around the yard and pool, and just like that we had our own little resort. That first summer, if it wasn’t raining we were in that pool or on those swings. It was awesome.

Michael and Dana came along within a few years and things were added to the yard here and there. A trampoline, for one. Mike was so little that when he ran around the edge of it, it barely moved which made him look pretty comical. The kids had lots of fun on that thing. Me? Not so much. All I did was make them laugh when I tried it. The basketball court was the last thing we added. It came out so great and Mike and his friends really enjoyed it.

Throughout the years there were barbecues and parties and play dates out there. Coffee with friends while the kids played was a favorite of mine. Those were the days. I took them for granted, for sure. What a mistake that was. Wish I had been better at living in the moment, cherishing every second, soaking it all in.

I look around now and the swing set is gone but the rest is still very much there. I look around now and see all of the things that made our home and our lives pretty damn good, and yet I’m sad. You see, I look around now and the kids are not out there. Once in a while, during the summer, they might use the pool or the bball court, but it’s not the same. I miss all the bikes lined up in the driveway, dropped on their sides in the rush to get inside and down in the basement or into the yard to play lacrosse or basketball. I miss all the shoes left by the door. I miss the snow pants and gloves and hats drying in the dryer while my kids and a few friends wrap their frozen fingers around some hot chocolate. I miss the coffee / play dates. I miss it all.

So depending on my mood I guess, sometimes when I go out into the backyard and look around, I smile at the memories. Other times, I feel the tears coming and I just let them come. Who cares if my dogs think I’m crazy? It’s not like we all don’t already know that…

Thanks for reading….until next time,

Donna