I took my dogs out one afternoon recently. While I walked around, waiting for them to do their stuff, I was struck by how different our backyard is now. We have been in this house for almost 24 years. Seems like such a long time and yet it feels like we moved in yesterday.

We bought our house when it was still just a frame. We had one child who was not even 2 when we moved in. The backyard was, well, icky. No grass, nothing. We moved in on November 4th so by the spring/summer, we had grass but not much else.

We made do with a kiddie pool for Nicole, and when we realized she liked to swing, well then we got a giant swing set complete with a clubhouse and everything. Then we discovered she loved the water so, poof!, we had a pool put in. Fences went up all around the yard and pool, and just like that we had our own little resort. That first summer, if it wasn’t raining we were in that pool or on those swings. It was awesome.

Michael and Dana came along within a few years and things were added to the yard here and there. A trampoline, for one. Mike was so little that when he ran around the edge of it, it barely moved which made him look pretty comical. The kids had lots of fun on that thing. Me? Not so much. All I did was make them laugh when I tried it. The basketball court was the last thing we added. It came out so great and Mike and his friends really enjoyed it.

Throughout the years there were barbecues and parties and play dates out there. Coffee with friends while the kids played was a favorite of mine. Those were the days. I took them for granted, for sure. What a mistake that was. Wish I had been better at living in the moment, cherishing every second, soaking it all in.

I look around now and the swing set is gone but the rest is still very much there. I look around now and see all of the things that made our home and our lives pretty damn good, and yet I’m sad. You see, I look around now and the kids are not out there. Once in a while, during the summer, they might use the pool or the bball court, but it’s not the same. I miss all the bikes lined up in the driveway, dropped on their sides in the rush to get inside and down in the basement or into the yard to play lacrosse or basketball. I miss all the shoes left by the door. I miss the snow pants and gloves and hats drying in the dryer while my kids and a few friends wrap their frozen fingers around some hot chocolate. I miss the coffee / play dates. I miss it all.

So depending on my mood I guess, sometimes when I go out into the backyard and look around, I smile at the memories. Other times, I feel the tears coming and I just let them come. Who cares if my dogs think I’m crazy? It’s not like we all don’t already know that…

Thanks for reading….until next time,

Donna